Freelance Planet Operations Manager
September 2, 2010 6:16 PM

Summary of Qualifications
Solider and manager with nine years of planet conquering and operation experience. Skilled in initial infiltration of indigenous sentient species and in implementing overlord designs and quality control programs to increase capture and subjugation of species. Proven track record of exceeding production, quality, safety and financial goals.

Professional Experience
Operations Manager, Planet Earth., Milky Way Galaxy, Quarant#9483
November 1998-present
Manage and control conversion of planet to suitable atmosphere for silicone based life forms. Handle processed, procedures, human resources and financial performance. Work with limited administrative support, which requires ability to "wear all hats." Serve as liaison with headquarters corporate staff and sales team in Vol'ne'wa.
• Recommended use for manufacturing carbon by-product, halving estimated time of delivery of planet to silicone overlords.
• Established fully computerized operations with North Pole office, saving $20,000 annually in telephone and facsimile expenses.
• Initiated one-on-one review process with top human spies to ensure that local scientists are repeatedly ignored; have retained 100% of the spies with zero being discovered.

Production Supervisor, Suprex Industires, Europa, Milky Way Galaxy, Quarant#9483
(August 1988-December 1997)
Supervised production, scheduling and training activities for native Europan's, ensuring that stay hidden from puny earthlings. Provided technical leadership and conversion of office from Windows to Linux.
• Initiated use of Total Quality Control and Employee Involvement programs to quickest construction of holographic projectors in 12 years (65% increase over previous year).
• Managed start up of new facility, implemented team concept and achieved performance standards that exceeded first-year goal by 20%.
• Commended by division president for creating/leading teams, supervising successful new holographic projections and exceeding production, quality and safety standards.

Bachelor of Science in Engineering World Domination, Magna Cum Laude, Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (1988)
Minor in Drawing

job type: contract
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This post was deleted for the following reason: funny, but we're trying to keep this on the up and up -- mathowie