"I like words."
August 17, 2012 10:20 PM

My daily grind is programming and IT. I don't know how I fell into that, but we've all made some mistakes. My real love—my muse, that's been relegated to surreptitious meetings, off work hours—is the written language.

I like words.

Nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs—you name it. Portmanteaus, I could take or leave, but I do what I have to, to get a sentence up and running.

My services, once acquired, can:
* Inject a pre-measured shot of undiluted oomph into shitty, prosaic copy
* Leave an opposing argument looking like it jumped out of a moving car
* Lend undue credibility to horrible ideas, and unjustified conclusions
* Rephrase a mundane ad listing to subtly evoke emotions totally inappropriate to the context
* Transform an everyday complaint/breakup/resignation letter into signpost, by which its intended audience will mark the moment they resolved to take up a new, and self-destructive habit

Once I set my mind to something constructive, there's no stopping me. But if I don't manage to set my mind to anything in time, then there's really no stopping me, and intervention becomes necessary. Give me a project, avert disaster.

This is the trial period. Special offer. $50 for a reasonable amount of copy and time, from a writer/critic with semi-popular work. I'm a "native English speaker," located in the continental US, with no outstanding warrants.

posted by evil holiday magic to Writing/Editing 1 user marked this as a favorite